How To Make Sex Feel Less Like A Chore

Contents

• Communicate With Your Partner
• Navigating Differences In Sex Drive
• Try Something New
• Take Turns Initiating
• Schedule Sex For Quality Time
• Prioritize Pleasure Over Performance
• Experiment With Different Locations
• Incorporate Sensual Activities
• Keep It Fun And Lighthearted
• Seek Outside Help If Needed
• Experience New Heights Of Sexual Pleasure With iroha’s Pleasure Products

Communicate With Your Partner

Communication is key to any strong relationship, and when it comes to intimacy, it’s essential for creating a safe, open space. When either partner feels that intimacy has become a chore, it’s often due to unexpressed thoughts, unmet needs, or unspoken worries. Taking time to have an honest conversation about your feelings can deepen understanding and reduce any stress surrounding intimacy.

Approach this talk with compassion and vulnerability. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory and focus on sharing your experience. For example, you might say “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately, and it’s affecting my energy” rather than “You don’t try anymore.” By speaking openly, each partner gains insight into each other’s emotions and can work together to create a more fulfilling connection and ensure your intimate moments don’t feel like work. 

Navigating Differences In Sex Drive

Sex drive, also known as libido, is a person’s motivation to engage in sexual experiences and can vary from person to person. There is no “normal” sex drive — people’s sexual desire can ebb and flow for many reasons, including:

1. Medical factors — Pregnancy and menopause can affect a woman’s libido, while males can produce less testosterone as they grow older, potentially declining their sex drive. Low libido can also be caused by depression or antidepressants — it’s important to maintain a safe space with your partner to discuss this and manage expectations to put less pressure on intimacy.
   
   
2. Level of attraction — In a long-term relationship, couples often grow very comfortable with one another, and sometimes your level of attraction and sexual desire can fluctuate. This may be a sign to revisit the “honeymoon” stage of your relationship and get dressed up, go on dates, and rekindle the romance. 

3. Self-esteem — While couples spending a lot of time together is a natural part of a relationship, it’s easy to sometimes fall into a habit of neglecting other aspects of your life, whether it’s your family, friends, or hobbies that make up an important part of who you are. If you feel like you’re losing yourself, take steps to invest time in yourself to build your confidence, whether it’s regular exercise, making time for loved ones, or taking up a new skill. By reconnecting with yourself, you can take steps to reconnect and slowly build your sexual relationship with your husband, wife, or partner. 

Try Something New

Over time, routines can make intimacy feel predictable. So why not explore something new together? This doesn’t mean anything drastic — small changes can have a big impact. Try experimenting with different kinds of touch, exploring new forms of intimacy beyond what you’re used to. 

If you haven’t explored pleasure devices yet, give them a try. iroha has a good range of beginner-friendly vibrators — these devices can build up from subtle vibrations to intense, more powerful sensations. For partnered play, experiment with partnered pleasure devices to elevate your sexual experience to new heights. 

Approach this exploration as a team. Discuss ideas beforehand to ensure you’re both comfortable and excited about trying something new. The goal is to create a shared experience that fosters joy, connection, and excitement. 

Take Turns Initiating

Sharing the responsibility of initiating intimacy can bring balance to your relationship. Often, one partner might feel like they’re always the one taking the lead, which can create pressure or even resentment. Taking turns creates an opportunity for each partner to feel desired and valued, and this balance can reinvigorate excitement and interest.

Try creating a playful schedule where you each take a designated day or week to initiate. This shared responsibility not only alleviates pressure but also builds anticipation. Each partner gets a turn to express their love, creating a renewed connection and appreciation for each other.

Schedule Quality Time

While scheduling intimacy might feel less spontaneous, it can be a wonderful way to prioritize each other in the busyness of life. Think of it as scheduling a date night focusing on quality time, connection, and closeness. Knowing you’ve set aside time to be together can help reduce stress and create a relaxing environment for intimacy to flourish.

Set the scene to make this scheduled time special. Dim the lights, play soft music, or create a cozy atmosphere so you can take your time and enjoy each other’s company. 

Prioritize Pleasure Over Performance

In many relationships, there’s an unspoken pressure to “perform” or meet certain expectations. This focus on performance can make intimacy feel stressful rather than enjoyable. Shifting your perspective to prioritize mutual pleasure and comfort over performance can reduce this pressure and help both partners feel more at ease.

Focus on the sensations and the connection rather than the end goal of your sexual experience. Mindful breathing and gentle touch can help you both stay in the moment, savoring each sensation without the need to “achieve” anything. This approach makes intimacy feel more rewarding and allows you to connect on a deeper level, free from expectations.

Experiment With Different Locations

Changing your environment can breathe new life into your intimate experiences. While the bedroom may be the go-to spot, trying different settings can add a sense of adventure and freshness. You don’t need to go far — enjoy a cozy moment on the couch where you can enjoy each other’s touch and kiss with no expectations. Often, losing the sense of pressure creates space for intimacy to build.

Incorporate Sensual Activities

Intimacy doesn’t always need to focus on sex itself — sometimes, it’s the other sensual activities that help you connect on a deeper level. Try sharing a gentle massage with massage oils or taking a warm bath together to ignite a sense of passion. These small acts can nurture a sense of connection, making intimacy feel like a natural and enjoyable part of your relationship.

Consider using this time to slow down and be fully present with each other. Focusing on each other’s comfort and relaxation creates a nurturing space where intimacy can flourish naturally. Whether through touch, a gentle gaze, or just being present, each moment can foster a deeper connection.

Keep It Fun And Lighthearted

Intimacy doesn’t have to be serious all the time; sometimes, a sense of humor and playfulness can go a long way in building your connection. Don’t be afraid to laugh, tease, or simply enjoy each other’s presence in a relaxed way.

Try incorporating lighthearted moments into your intimate time. Whether it’s a spicy couples card game, a shared joke, or simply playful touches, keeping things fun can make each experience feel less like a task. Playfulness can reduce any pressure you might feel, allowing both partners to approach intimacy with openness and joy.

Seek Outside Help If Needed

If sex still feels like a chore to you or your partner, there’s no shame in seeking help. A sex therapist or counselor can offer support and tools to help you navigate any challenges in your relationship, creating a pathway toward deeper understanding and closeness.

Many couples find that professional guidance provides a fresh perspective, offering insights that help them reconnect. Seeking outside help is a proactive, compassionate step in nurturing your relationship, creating a safe space for both partners to explore their needs and feelings.

Experience New Heights Of Sexual Pleasure With iroha’s Pleasure Products

Intimacy is an evolving journey, one that grows and changes over time. By embracing patience, open communication, and a nurturing approach, you can rediscover joy and connection in your relationship. Remember, intimacy is a form of self-care — a way to honor both yourself and your partner as you grow closer and invest time in your sexual relationship. 

For those looking to deepen their journey with gentle wellness tools, iroha offers female sex toys thoughtfully crafted to enhance closeness and connection. Each product supports your path toward self-love and shared intimacy, providing comfort, joy, and meaningful self-care. Explore iroha’s collection to bring warmth and care to your intimate experiences.